i don't know exactly what i'm going to to do. i'm not going to tell you what is going on because i'm a bitch and i want to be as evasive as i possibly can be. haha. i know, you hate me. i just know that i don't know what i'm waiting for? what am i scared of? oh, there's so much to be scared of, there's so much to lose. but what it is all for? i feel like i'm living a lie, like is this REALLY my life? this is it? THIS? seriously? da fuck? i didn't sign up for this shit. i don't want this shit. i want more. i need more. how do i get more? but am i sure i really want MORE? how much more could i possibly want? i want it all. i deserve it all. but then i sit here and count all the people i will let down and hurt if i go out and get the more that i want and it just doesn't seem worth it. but then i think about all the people i will hurt, myself included if i DON'T go for it all. why does life have to be so fucking complicated? why do we always put other peoples needs before our own? why do i care so much about what people think? why? GOD, WHY? it sounds so selfish, but sometimes i wanna be like that mom on the yaya sisterhood movie. when she ran away to sleep at a motel for a few days. i just don't ever want to come back. is that wrong? yes, it is. who does that? this can't be all there is. this just can't be all there is. i won't accept that. but the thing is... i do.
damn.
fml.
Only you know what's best for you. I think regardless of who you may hurt, you need to weigh the pros and cons and then you should have your answer. You should read this book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's very small but very hefty with enlightenment that I think you will definitely benefit from.
ReplyDeletethank you, laura. i will look for the book. i think i might have made a decision. scary. =\
ReplyDeleteYou'll always have me. I know we might not talk as much as we use to but you were there for me so I'll be here for you. No judging no back stabbing no two facing. =)
ReplyDelete@maria thank you, girl! i appreciate you.
ReplyDelete@laura h. right?? i like the way you think!
You're welcome! Keep on truckin' darling :)
ReplyDeleteHoly Shit Mama. U ok? Always here for you.
ReplyDelete@LC thank you, girl! i'll be aight!
ReplyDelete